Wrestling With Loss: An Open Letter To My Brother

Dear Dustin,


Yesterday would have been your 43rd birthday and so many thoughts about you swirled in my head all day long.  I originally intended to sit down and have this written already but the truth is, I often struggle with the reality that you are no longer with us. Putting it into written word only makes it more of a reality than I like sometimes.

  It was September 25, 2015 when Dad called with the sad news you were called Home into God's loving arms. 

It still feels as if that were yesterday though and I would give anything to be able to hear your voice talking about some goofy get rich quick idea that you were convinced was fool proof or jokingly threaten to kick my ass when I teased you about your age or how much better looking I am than you ever were!

So many fond memories that ease the pain as more time passes.  You did so much for me even if you didn't realize it at the time or ever.  While you had your demons, you were a good soul with a huge heart that was prominently worn on your sleeve. 

Of all those memories, the ones that stick out  to me the most are when we spent time together watching Wrestling.

 Oh how I chased you around when I was a young kid. If I wasn't bugging you to play your video games I was wanting to have a match with you anywhere in the house.  But you obliged like a true big brother even if you didn't really want to

You and Debbie spent the majority of the time watching me to make sure I didn't break my neck diving off the arm of the couch onto whatever hapless stuffed animal was splayed out on the floor.  .

  Even when you took my action figures and tied them all up in my pajama pants legs, I looked up to you and you were my favorite opponent.

 As I got older and Steve Austin and WWF rose to new heights , our wrestling bond strengthened.

I always looked forward to Mondays when we'd watch Raw (switching to Nitro every commercial because I will forever watch every product available for viewing!) and then Sunday's for Heat and PPVs.  You were  a mega Stone Cold fan though your version of the Stunner was weak son!

 It was during those times I saw you for who you were deep down.  A wonderful big brother who loved me to death even while simultaneously driving me crazy with some of your antics and life choices.  None of those matter now, I choose to remember you as aces in my book.

  With Christmas approaching I am taken back to 1998, one of my all time favorite Christmas celebrations ever.

 I have always been a night owl as you were and so we stayed up until damn near sunrise talking, laughing, and organizing my wrestling trading card collection into the albums you gave me as gifts.

You insisted they be organized by wrestler  or faction and while it was a long process, I had a blast from start to end.

You passed on valuable life lessons and made me feel like I had won the lottery when it came to older siblings.  We may not have  shared blood but our brotherhood defied that and was incredible.

I still have those albums and nothing will ever happen to them.  They are a reminder of what we shared and what I will miss the most about you.

 I find comfort knowing you continue to watch over not only me but our entire family. You may not walk through a door voice first this weekend on Christmas Eve but you live on in our hearts eternally.

I love you and I will see you down the road. You owe me one more match anyway.

  Love,

Matt