Hmm. Which of these women makes the most sense to get the briefcase?
Eh. I'll go cliche' and say they'll give it to Charlotte.
Let her make history yet again.
Fresh from my wife's mouth:
"It's fuckin' Father's Day!
We DON'T NEED to focus on the women!"
Me:
That's still what's great about Lucha Underground.
They can have their gals do amazing things, without constantly needing to remind us that they're having their gals do amazing things.
Becky Lynch and Nattie play tug-of-war with a ladder.
fNattie suplexes Becky onto the ladder.
Carmella and Charlotte in a shoving match at the ladder's base.
Tamina shoves down the ladder, sending both Carmella and Charlotte flying.
Nattie hits the sharpshooter on Becky Lynch.
...Er, a tap won't do anything here, Nats.
Carmella starting the climb.
Charlotte pulls her down.
Tamina and Charlotte brawl, and fall off the ladder.
Charlotte hittin' some spears on Tamina.
Now Charlotte hits a flip on Tamina and Nattie.
Becky Lynch almost grabs the briefcase.
...and James Ellsworth interferes and knocks her down.
James Ellsworth grabs the briefcase and chucks it down to Carmella.
The bell rings.
....The refs are talking, so I'm guessing this is not gonna hold as a result.
...They're apparently leaving it as a result. Carmella wins.
Remember ladies, the best way to get something done is to just let a man do it for you.
....Laaaaaanaa..........
New Day vs. The Usos.
I'm guessing New Day wins. Why have just one show's title days record, when you can have both?
Big E hits a smash.
Teams trade clotheslines and suplexes.
Usos targeting Kofi Kingston, preventing him from making a tag.
Kofi finally gets a counter, and a tag.
Big E hits a belly to belly, and then a mat slam.
Jay Uso superkicks Big E out of the ring.
Jay and Kofi trade blows, with Kofi finally hitting the SOS.
Jay goes for a splash, Big E counters with the Big Finish.
Jimmy breaks up the count just before three.
Xavier taunts with his 'bone.
New Day hit the Midnight Hour.
Jimmy pulls Jay out of the ring before the three count finishes.
....Annnd the Usos exploit their champion's advantage and get themselves counted out to retain.
Sergeant Slaughter and Bob Orton in the building.
Naomi vs. Lana.
I'm guessing Lana comes close, but doesn't win.
...And Rusev is cleared to return. I'm guessing he becomes involved somehow.
....Lana is very pleasing to the eyes. #EyeCandy
Naomi comes out swinging. Lana gets put on the ropes, but then counters with a slam.
Lana gets the first near-fall. Not quite.
And the second. Nope.
Crowd chanted "we want Rusev!"
They apparently read the headlines about his medical status too.
Lana with the ringslam.
However this goes, it'd be cool if Lana kept wrestling.
Like, really. Kept wrestling. Dressed like that.
Naomi finally counters with a cross arm breaker.
Naomi with a trio of kicks. And a fourth.
Naomi goes for her own cover. Lana rolls out of the ring.
Lana hits a sit down spinebuster.
Goes for the cover, kickout.
Annnnd looks like Carmella is coming out to cash in her MiTB briefcase.
... Maybe? Maybe not?
She started to, then stopped.
Namoi goes for a submission.
And gets Lana to tap.
*sigh* Oh well.
No Rusev huh?
Please keep wrestling Lana.
Fashion Vice segment.
Complete with 90s television screen size.
Apparently we're going to find out who attacked and busted up the Fashion Police's headquarters tonight.
Aw shit son.
Mike and Maria Kanellis make their WWE debuts/returns!!!
"The First Lady is back in WWE!"
Apparently Mike and Maria's gimmick is set to be an 80s super love couple.
....
Safe to say the audience did not pop.
Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton.
Randy's hometown crowd. WWE loves screwing the hometown. Like, always.
I therefore predict Jinder retains.
WWE introducing the St. Louis WWE legends.
....
Feels even more like they're setting up Jinder to upset Randy again.
Jinder Mahal is still from Canada.
Great Canadian hero, that Jinder Mahal.
Here we go. Round 2.
Randy hits an RKO, Jinder Mahal escapes the ring.
Randy smacking and throwing Jinder around.
Action moves outside the ring. Randy continues there with a clothesline.
Randy goes for a slam on Mahal back in the ring, Mahal tosses Randy out.
Then hits Randy's knee.
Randy's knee got tweaked on the way out.
Jinder starting to be the aggressor now.
Randy finally counters with a spine buster into the barricade.
Jinder hits a table slam.
A slugfest in the ring now.
Randy hits a backslam.
Jinder targets Randy's left knee on the barricade.
Goes for the cover. No.
All Jinder now.
Is it a setup for a comeback, or just a beatdown?
Jinder has the leg hold.
Randy reverses.
Jinder breaks up the hold.
And resumes the aggression.
Randy tried to sneak in a cover, but then got taken back down.
Jinder going for a superplex off the rope.
Randy fighting back.
Randy shoves Mahal off.
Jinder runs at him, Randy sidesteps.
Now Randy puts Jinder on the ropes.
And hits the superplex.
Randy goes for a cover, kickout.
Both men exchanging blows.
Big uppercut from Randy.
Randy hits a powerslam. DDT. Starting to look up for him.
....The Singh Brothers are still around.
Randy hits an RKO.
...And there it is. The Singh Brothers put Jinder's leg on the rope.
The ref throws out the Singh Brothers.
My wife calls the Singh Brothers are going after Randy's dad.
....And that sure looks like what they're doing.
Randy attacks the Singh Brothers.
And Jinder's gonna sneak in for the win. Right WWE?
Randy bulldozing the Singh Brothers.
At least we'll get some mileage from this beatdown.
And Jinder hits the slam and retains.
No one should be surprised.
How are those Raw and Smackdown ratings, WWE?
Great Balls of Fire promo.
I'm already excited for it. It doesn't have Jinder Mahal.
Pretty much everything that's happened with the WWE belt since Bray Wyatt won it at Elimination Chamber can go suck a dick.
Can this be?
The Ascension?
....
Like, alive?! And in a PPV match?
I would presume that Ascension gets a W here.
But shit if I know for sure given main roster management's treatment of them.
....
Like I just fuckin' said. #AscensionLosesAgain
AJ Styles.
Remember when he had the WWE belt? That was awesome.
Dolph Ziggler.
When he had the belt that was pretty good too.
Sami Zayn.
That was awesome when I thought about him having the WWE belt. And, like, winning matches. Sometimes. Maybe.
Kevin Owens.
Awesome status when holding WWE Championship-level belts confirmed.
Shinsuke Nakamura.
....
Well, I had a "he's not Jinder Mahal" belt joke ready, but Baron Corbin just attacked Shinsuke before he could complete his entrance.
The match begins without Shinsuke
...
I would guess it doesn't stay that way.
But who knows.
What does India want? Someone ask them. That will determine WWE's decision.
Ziggler and Corbin run over Styles with a ladder.
And then Corbin turns on Ziggler.
Real heel beats the fake heel.
Ziggler hits back with a superkick.
Then Sami Zayn knocks Ziggler off the apron.
And then takes down Kevin Owens with a clothesline. #SlamminSammy
Styles misses the Phenomenal Forearm against Ziggler.
Then Corbin hits a Deep Six on Ziggler.
Sami Zayn then hits a jump on Corbin.
"AJ Styles" chants.
Owens hits a superkick, then beats him in the ring.
Kevin Owens using a ladder as a battering ram.
Styles knocks down Owens.
Styles goes for the Clash, Owens sends him over the apron.
KO starts setting up the ladder.
Sami comes in to stop him. KO knocks him down.
Owens goes for a rope jump, Sami tosses him from the rope INTO THE LADDER.
Sami tosses out the broken ladder. Goes hunting for a new ladder. Sets it up.
Ziggler shows up. Knocks Zayn and the ladder down.
(Shinsuke still hasn't shown back up, btw.)
Ziggler sends Sami Zayn spine first into the ladder on the rope.
Ziggler climbs the ladder, Sami pulls him off. Sami climbs the ladder, Ziggler knocks him off.
Ziggler goes for the Superkick, Sami counters with the Blue Thunderbomb.
Sami climbs the ladder. Halfway up.
Corbin shows up, drops him back down.
Styles hits Corbin with the Phenomenal Forearm.
Styles sets up the ladder for himself. Starts to climb
Corbin climbs up the opposite side. Two slug it out on the top.
Ziggler joins them, climbs OVER Corbin. Ziggler knocks down Styles. Corbin pulls down Ziggler.
Ziggler hits ZigZag from the ladder on Corbin.
Styles and Ziggler climb and battle now. Zayn joins them. 3 man race.
Styles is hanging out on the ladder's supports. Those things that could give way.
Styles falls down. Ziggler, Zayn now at the top.
...Zayn powerbombs Ziggler, himself off.
Sami Zayn and KO battling.
Sami hits a suplex on KO onto the apron.
Zayn crawls back towards the ladder. Crawling up.
AJ Styles hits a Phenomenal Forearm to KNOCK Sami OFF.
Ladder and Zayn go down.
Corbin pulls Styles out of the ring, hits a table shot.
Styles fires back with a kick.
Styles goes for another Forearm, Corbin counters with a chokeslam onto the ladder
Sami takes out Corbin, starts to limb the ladder.
Ziggler tries to stop him, fails. KO tries to stop him, succeeds with a knee.
KO reaching for the briefcase. AJ Styles pulls him down.
Slug it out, KO knocks Styles down.
But Styles suplexes KO into the same ringside ladder.
Styles climbs, grabs the briefcase.
Ziggler pulls out the ladder.
Styles holds on to it as long as possible. But then he falls.
Corbin starts the climb.
....But then Shinsuke's music hits.
Nakamura back into the match, knocking everyone down.
"Nakamura's a wrecking ball!"
Nakamura and Kevin Owens battle outside the ring. Nakamura hits a Kinsasha.
Nakamura goes into the ring to set up the ladder.
AJ Styles finally gets there opposite him. Staredown.
"Yes!" chants.
Nakamura and Styles slug it out.
Nakamura eventually hits the Exploder.
Goes for another; Styles counters with the Phenomenal Forearm.
"This is awesome!" chants.
And it is, finally.
Styles and Nakamura climb the ladder. Both reaching for it, knocking each other down.
Dueling chants, pretty even in loudness.
Who's it gonna be?
...But Corbin shows up and KNOCKS THEM BOTH down.
Then goes up and wins.
WWE does it all again. #FuckTheFans
